it’s time to go
Since the start of my brain injury, Taylor’s music has been my nervous system’s barometer. When I subconsciously reach for tracks like Look What You Made Me Do or I Hate It Here, it’s a clear signal that I’ve crossed into high alert. In the world of Post-Concussion Syndrome (PCS), these songs are my validation when my misfiring brain perceives the world as unsafe.
If you’ve never experienced the constant state of high alert that comes with a mTBI, it feels exactly like being trapped in the chorus of Out of the Woods.
“Are we out of the woods yet?, Are we out of the woods yet?, Are we out of the woods yet?, Are we out of the woods?
Are we in the clear yet?, Are we in the clear yet?, Are we in the clear yet?, In the clear yet, good.”
Obvious challenges like medical appointments trigger this high alert mode, but with PCS, even a simple conversation can be perceived by my brain as a physical threat.
A month ago, I decided to give these triggers a name. By labelling these moments, I’m building a safe space in my mind. It allows me to pause, recognise the threat, and pull myself out of a situation before I spiral. I have, of course, “Swift-coded” my triggers and, more importantly, my exit strategies.
This is my secret language for escaping that high-alert state, because I’m finally learning that ‘it’s time to go’ way before my brain reaches its limit.
1. The ‘I’m the Problem, It’s Me’ Moment
The Trigger: Self-Doubt & The Medical “Shoulds”
When medical “shoulds” weigh me down, I live in the pre-chorus of Anti-Hero.
“I should not be left to my own devices
They come with prices and vices
I end up in crisis.”
My self-doubt becomes a ‘device’ that keeps me in a constant state of crisis. long story short is my exit strategy.
“long story short, it was a bad time
pushed from the precipice
climbed right back up the cliff.”
These lyrics allow me to acknowledge the struggle while reclaiming my strength. I don’t owe anyone a detailed map of my crisis; I just need to know I am climbing back up at my own pace.
2. In the Woods
The Trigger: Sensory Overload
“Are we out of the woods yet?”
When the lights are too bright or the rooms are too loud, I’m trapped in this chorus of Out of the Woods. My brain scans for a “clear” that never comes. Naming it is my signal to step away. By physically removing myself, I can finally lean into my exit lyrics.
“In the clear yet, good.“
3. The mirrorball Effect
The Trigger: The Performance of “Normalcy”
“but I’m still on my tallest tiptoes
spinning in my highest heels, love
shining just for you.”
Just as Taylor explains, I work tirelessly to reflect what the world wants to see, shielding others from the reality of my struggle. But every minute spent performing on my tiptoes is time stolen directly from my biological recovery. I use my exit lyrics to remind myself that walking away is how I actually heal.
“sometimes, walkin’ out is the one thing
that will find you the right thing.”
4. The Gap between Your Words and My World
The Trigger: Minimisation & Invisibility
“You never called it what it was.”
When my injury is dismissed as just stress or anxiety, and people don’t call it what it is, a brain injury, I feel invisible. To protect myself from this, I use Call It What You Want as my boundary line.
‘So call it what you want, yeah, call it what you want to’
I accept that some people will always minimise my experience because they cannot see it. But I no longer need their correct vocabulary to validate my pain. They can call it what they want. My truth remains unchanged, and I am closing the door on their definitions.
5. The “Get Your Shit Together” Moment
The Trigger: Timeline Pressure
“Is it insensitive for me to say
Get your shit together?
So I can love you.”
When the world gets too loud about my limited progress and tells me to get my shit together, I switch my mind to You Need To Calm Down from Lover.
“You need to calm down
You’re being too loud.”
Their loud opinions won’t make my biological recovery move any faster.
6. The Contradiction
The Trigger: Emotional Inconsistencies
“You tell me that you love me, then you cut me down.”
Support one minute, silence the next. This contradiction is a threat to my peace. My rule for survival comes from Dear Reader.
“Dear reader,
Bend when you can, snap when you have to.”
I try to be flexible, but when the contradiction becomes too much, I give myself permission to ‘snap,’ to break the cycle and walk away.
7. Ghosting My Truth
The Trigger: Forced Invisibility
“you assume I’m fine, but what would you do if I…?”
This is the strain when people choose to see me “fine” because acknowledging my injury is inconvenient. I am done wasting energy “proving” my condition. Instead, I’m leaning into closure. I am okay with my messy reality.
“I’m fine with my spite
and my tears
and my beers and my candles.”
8. Making Me Small
The Trigger: Ego Management
“Why do you have to make me feel small
So you can feel whole inside?”
Sometimes people shrink my reality to feel more effective in their roles. I exhaust myself performing “wellness” to protect their ego. My signal to stop is marjorie. I don’t have to be “good” at the expense of my health.
“Never be so polite, you forget your power.”
Whether you’re a Swiftie or not, I hope my secret language offers you a map for those moments when the world gets too loud. These lyrics provide the words I often lose when my brain is in crisis, acting as a vital bridge between my internal struggle and the outside world. I have even made friendship bracelets to remind myself of these exit strategies, literal reminders on my wrist that give me power to leave.
At the start of this journey, Taylor’s music was simply the alarm that told me I was on high alert. But now, it’s the tool I use to navigate the daily reality of my Post-Concussion Syndrome. ‘Long story short?’ I am finally trusting my internal barometer and learning when it’s time to go.
“that old familiar body ache
the snaps from the same little breaks in your soul
you know when it’s time to go.”
The Concussion Girl
- Swift, Taylor. “Out Of The Woods,” 1989. Taylor Swift, 2014 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “Anti-Hero,” Midnights. Taylor Swift, 2022 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “long story short,” evermore. Taylor Swift, 202- ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “Out Of The Woods,” 1989. Taylor Swift, 2014 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “Out Of The Woods,” 1989. Taylor Swift, 2014 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “mirrorball”, folklore. Taylor Swift, 2020 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “it’s time to go,” evermore. Taylor Swift, 2020 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “All Too Well,” 10 Minute Version, Red (Taylor’s Version). Taylor Swift, 2021 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “Call It What You Want To,” Reputation. Taylor Swift, 2017. ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “Renegade.” How Long Do You Think It’s Gonna Last?, Big Red Machine, 2021 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “You Need To Calm Down,” Lover. Taylor Swift, 2019 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “Tell Me Why,” Fearless. Taylor Swift, 2008 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “Dear Reader,” Midnights. Taylor Swift, 2022 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “tolerate it ,” evermore. Taylor Swift, 2020 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “closure,” evermore. Taylor Swift, 2020 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “Tell Me Why,” Fearless. Taylor Swift, 2008 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “marjorie,” evermore. Taylor Swift, 2020 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “it’s time to go,” evermore. Taylor Swift, 2020 ↩︎