Nobody’s heard from me for months, I’m doin’ better than I ever was
“Nobody’s heard from me for months
I’m doin’ better than I ever was.”
And it is completely true.
Don’t get me wrong, I am still physically struggling with the same symptoms of my ongoing concussion. That daily battle, unfortunately, hasn’t changed. But emotionally and mentally? I genuinely feel better than ever.
The turning point came at the beginning of this year. Utterly broken by severe burnout, I made a radical choice to protect myself, and I slowly stepped away from the world. I became far less sociable. I turned down invitations. I stopped reaching out. I stopped texting back. I just went quiet.
I did it because masking my symptoms and pain had drained me to zero. But over time, I realised that stepping back was giving me the exact energy I needed to rebuild. I went quiet to survive, but I used that time to actually reset.
Today I realise that my journey from taking a step back to where I am today happened in distinct chapters. And of course, at every single turn, there was a specific song that helped me process what I was going through.
Chapter 1 – I Started Writing This Blog
The Song: New Romantics, 1989
Last Christmas, I hit absolute rock bottom. I felt entirely empty, completely consumed by the painful consequences of my concussion. Seeing me broken, my sister stepped in and threw me a lifeline: she built this website, and I started blogging.
Right at that moment, New Romantics gave me the spark I needed to launch The Life of Concussion Girl, as the lyrics perfectly captured my exhausted reality:
“We’re all so tired of everything / We wait for trains that just aren’t coming / We cry tears of mascara in the bathroom / ‘Cause baby, I could build a castle / Out of all the bricks they threw at me / And every day is like a battle…”
But more than that, the lyrics inspired me to sing my heartbreak proudly. Instead of letting the bricks thrown at me destroy me, I decided to use them to build something meaningful, my own ‘castle.’
Chapter 2 – I Realised I Am Truly on My Own
The Song: You’re On Your Own, Kid (Midnights)
Stepping back forced me to confront a terrifying but liberating truth: I am truly on my own, and nobody else can fight this recovery for me. I don’t mean that negatively; I know my family is always here for me. It was more a realisation that I had to stop waiting for someone to rescue me from my concussion, and Taylor gave me the exact vocabulary for this breakthrough when she sang:
“You’ve got no reason to be afraid / You’re on your own, kid / Yeah, you can face this.”
Suddenly, being on my own no longer felt like abandonment or something scary; it felt like a superpower. Taylor’s reminder that I can face this gave me the daily motivation to use that superpower.
Chapter 3 – I Started To Feel
The Song: Clean (1989)
For two years after the accident, I completely buried my emotions. I was terrified that if I allowed myself to truly feel, I would completely fall apart. I guess I was just trying to survive the crisis the only way I knew how.
But through intensive therapy, I realised that true healing cannot happen in a state of emotional paralysis. Eventually, the internal storm I had been suppressing for years exploded, and the tears finally came. Clean perfectly captured the profound relief of letting those floodgates open:
“The rain came pouring down / When I was drowning, that’s when I could finally breathe / And by morning / Gone was any trace of you, I think I am finally clean.”
I finally let the rain come pouring down. I cried for the career I lost, the reality I had to leave behind, and the version of myself that changed forever. Yet, in that exact moment of drowning, I finally found the room to breathe and emotionally heal.
Chapter 4 – I Chose to Step into the Daylight
The Song: Daylight, Lover
It has taken absolutely everything within me to be able to say these words, but this quiet chapter allowed me to step out of the darkness and into the daylight.
As Taylor sings:
“You gotta step into the daylight and let it go / Just let it go, let it go.”
I have known for a long time that I needed to let go and accept this new version of myself, the one with the brain injury and everything that comes with it. This period of time has helped me to acknowledge that this injury has left scars on my life and that things will never be the same. But that’s okay because, as Taylor sings:
“And now I see daylight / I only see daylight.”
Chapter 5 – I Started Dreaming
The Song: the lakes, folklore
This latest chapter has given me the space to do something I hadn’t done since my injury: dream.
Taylor’s longing to dream in the lakes became the exact inspiration I needed for this new stage of my life:
“I want auroras and sad prose / I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet / ‘Cause I haven’t moved in years. “
Like Taylor, I felt like I hadn’t moved in years. My life and dreams had been entirely on pause because of my concussion.
But in the silence of this past year, small aspirations slowly started to take root. I realised that I, too, wanted my own version of sad prose, auroras, and wisteria.
Accepting my new reality has finally given me permission to look forward. I am gently building new dreams for my life, my family, and my career, working with my brain injury rather than fighting against it.
Looking back, it makes sense why it has taken so much time to get here. I had to hit rock bottom to find my inner strength. And when I finally allowed myself to grieve, to feel, and to accept my new reality, I was able to dream again.
Ultimately,
“Nobody’s heard from me for months,
I’m doin’ better than I ever was.”
The Concussion Girl
- Swift, Taylor. “Call It What You Want” Reputation. Taylor Swift, 2017. ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “New Romantics” 1989. Taylor Swift, 2014. ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “You’re On Your Own Kid” Midnights. Taylor Swift, 2022 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “Clean” 1989. Taylor Swift, 2014 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “Daylight” Lover. Taylor Swift, 2019 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “Daylight” Lover. Taylor Swift, 2019 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “the lakes” folklore. Taylor Swift, 2019 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor. “Call It What You Want” Reputation. Taylor Swift, 2017 ↩︎