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You never called it what it was
Dear NHS Medical Professionals and Specialists, I write this letter to you in rage, in heartbreak, but also in hope. In the hope that this letter might change the way you deal with patients like me. Because as Taylor sings, despite everything I’ve gone through, I am still “livin’ for the hope of it all.”…
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Dear Reader
Dear Reader, Since developing Post-Concussion Syndrome (PCS), reading has become one of my greatest struggles. As a teacher, I took it for granted and relied on it every single day. Now, it feels like an uphill battle. Reading with PCS means every single sentence requires intense physical effort. Staring at the stark black-and-white contrast of…
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Try and come for my job
A few days ago, I was talking to someone about sourdough baking. I mentioned that while it isn’t really a high-maintenance hobby, it does require you to be around, especially during the 48-hour lead-up to the bake. They responded that, of course, it suited me since I didn’t have anything to do. Ouch. That really…
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Long story short, I survived
A few weekends ago, I went to a friend’s 40th birthday party. This isn’t a post about personal growth, lessons learned, or silver linings. It is a raw diary entry of my reality. This is what actually happens when you live with Post-Concussion Syndrome (PCS) and try to do something as normal as attending a…
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And the road not taken looks real good now
What if the road not taken – the one where we pack up as a family, step away from the daily grind, and explore the world – is the path that actually leads me back to myself? What if it is the very thing that cures my burnout and helps me heal from Post-Concussion Syndrome…
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What happened, you? That’s what happened, you
I am completely burnt out by Post-Concussion Syndrome (PCS), and I have been for months. Looking back, the signs were written all over this blog; subconsciously, I guess I have been singing these lyrics all along: ‘I’m lonely but I’m goodI’m bitter but I swear I’m fine.’ I Hate It Here, TTPD It is not…
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I haven’t met the new me yet
A few weeks ago, I was given my personal belongings from my old classroom. It has been two years since I taught my last lesson due to my ongoing concussion, and in that time, I had forgotten just how much I had gathered over the years. I haven’t unpacked the boxes yet. I’ve had a…
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it’s time to go
Since the start of my brain injury, Taylor’s music has been my nervous system’s barometer. When I subconsciously reach for tracks like Look What You Made Me Do or I Hate It Here, it’s a clear signal that I’ve crossed into high alert. In the world of Post-Concussion Syndrome (PCS), these songs are my validation when my…
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It’s all just a blur
It’s taken me two years to find the right words to describe my symptoms and to connect the dots of my experience. That is the reality of a mild Traumatic Brain Injury (mTBI) and Post-Concussion Syndrome (PCS); you are living through a physical experience you cannot put into language because, as Taylor sings, “It’s all…
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There wouldn’t be this if there hadn’t been you
I know my most recent posts have been a heavy vent about the medical system. It’s the heavy weight I carry after seeing more than 20 doctors and still walking away without clear answers about my PCS. When you are lost in the labyrinth of an mTBI, it is difficult to see the daylight. But…
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right where you left me
Ever since my crash, there’s been a common assumption that I have PTSD. It became the “easy” explanation for everything I was going through. But that label never felt right. It felt like they were trying to fit my experience into a box because it’s easier to explain it that way than to admit that…
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I want you to know I’m a mirrorball
For two years, I’ve been living with Post-Concussion Syndrome (PCS). And for two years, I have unknowingly been a ‘mirrorball.’ In the world of brain injury, we call it “masking.” But Taylor’s lyrics capture the exhaustion of this survival tactic better than any textbook. “I want you to knowI’m a mirrorballI’ll show you every version…
