loml
“And I’ll still see it until I die
You’re the loss of my life” 1
At the end of 2025, I was forced to walk away from the love of my life – my teaching career. I didn’t leave because I wanted to; I left because my employer ‘took me to hell,’ failed to support my post-concussion recovery and made it impossible for me to stay.
I had given everything to that job during the 13 years I had worked there. I had dedicated every ounce of energy and every bone in my body to the students, the classroom, the department and the school.
When the career I loved became the ‘loss of my life,’ I turned to Taylor Swift’s music to process the pain. When I was angry, Look What You Made Me Do, Bad Blood, and mad woman helped me cope with the betrayal I felt from an employer who clearly didn’t care about my health. Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve spoke to the years I gave away to the education system. I Hate It Here was my escapism from the harsh reality of my workplace. Say Don’t Go and loml captured the heartbreak I felt when I realised that there was nothing I could do to keep my job. You’re On Your Own, Kid reminded me that I have the resilience to turn my loss into a new, fresh start.
Teaching was the love of my life, and losing it was devastating for five simple reasons:
1. I genuinely loved it – It wasn’t just a job, it was my passion. I was fully dedicated and truly wanted to be there. This level of devotion is why the loss felt so personal; when you give a career your everything, losing it feels like losing a part of yourself.
2. I was excellent at it – I didn’t just “get through” the day. I delivered great lessons, and my students not only enjoyed them but also achieved brilliant results. I was efficient and effective, which allowed me to do what so many teachers can’t: maintain a healthy work-life balance. I had mastered the craft.
3. The students made me a better person – My students taught me as much as I taught them. They challenged me to grow, stay patient, be humble, and stay human. They were the best part of my job.
4. I kept learning – Teaching my subject excited me. It wasn’t repetitive, and it continued to challenge me, teaching me new skills and knowledge every single day.
5. It gave me a superpower – Sewing. Teaching actually taught me how to sew. I’ve always loved fashion and dressing well, especially I loved wearing dresses and heels at work. When I moved from London to the countryside, I couldn’t easily update my wardrobe, so I started making my own clothes. Sewing became my absolute passion – I even made my own wedding dress with my mum.
But the accident changed everything. I stopped wearing the pretty dresses I loved because, without school, I felt there was no longer a reason to dress up. More painfully, the accident took away my ability to sew. I found I could no longer concentrate for long periods, and the motion of the sewing machine triggered debilitating dizzy spells. It is painful, but truthful, to admit that I have barely sewn since the accident.
I don’t really know what the future holds for me professionally. For some reason, it feels like my teaching career is over. While I am grieving the teacher I was, I have also realised something important: I gave my blood, sweat, and tears to a system that treated my health with indifference when I most needed support. Therefore, I refuse to return to a way of working that leaves me unprotected. Moving forward, my priority is to find a professional culture that values people as much as results. In the last two years, I’ve learned that systemic pressures on schools often undermine this, and right now I need compassion and empathy.
Overall, through the heartbreak of the ‘loss of my life,’ I am finding a new version of myself. This is my post-traumatic growth. I am still healing. I still struggle with headaches. I am still dizzy. I am still not sewing the way I used to. But I am no longer the person who lets an employer take her to hell. Because in the words of Taylor Swift:
“I’m on some new shit” 2
Losing my career was just the price I had to pay to find myself finally. It’s exactly like Taylor says in ‘the 1’ :
“And if you never bleed, you’re never gonna grow.” 3
Thank you, Taylor, for reminding me of this in such a beautiful song.
The Concussion Girl
- Swift, Taylor, ‘loml’; The Tortured Poets Department. Taylor Swift, 2024. ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor, ‘the 1’; folklore. Taylor Swift, 2020 ↩︎
- Swift, Taylor, ‘the 1’; folklore. Taylor Swift, 2020 ↩︎